The Blog

“Love is NOT a mystery!”

Despite what zillions of individuals believe, write prose and poetry about, sing, clash, fight and sadly even kill about, “Love is NOT a mystery!” It is a survival code deeply wired into our DNA, and the DNA of all mammals. It is a language. This language asks an essential question. ARE you there for me? ARE you with me? ARE you hearing me? ARE you feeling what I am feeling? ARE you able to be with my feelings without attempting to change them?  ARE you able to share your scariest, softest, most vulnerable feelings with me. ARE you able to stay out of angry reaction toward me? ARE you able to not judge my feelings?

In the language of Emotion Focused Individual and Couple Therapy A.R.E you Attuned, Responsive and Engaged with me?  This question begins at birth, perhaps before.

ARE YOU THERE FOR ME?

-thank you Drs Susan Johnson, James Bowlby, and Leslie Greenberg.

 

 

“I do not forgive you!”

With tears in her eyes…weeping….weeping….my female client pointedly tells the mother she has energetically brought in our session, “I do not forgive you,  I do not forgive you. I am not ready to forgive you. You are you who are, but you hurt me, you hurt me! You did not see me. I went to others to feel love. You hurt me. I wanted your love. I did not feel it. Now I must forgive myself before I forgive you!”

Unblocking deeply held emotions can and often is a difficult, sometime even physically painful experience. Our bodies tighten against the powerful perceptions imbedded in us over decades of invalidation, judgement, emotional abuse and/or neglect. As humans we crave secure, safe bonding experiences. Locking away our most human of all needs, security, binds us to the past. Unlocking and unblocking buried emotion is a powerful step toward the validation we need for self and from other.

-joseph

“Accepted from F’d Up to Fabulous!”

“I now know that I want to be accepted for who I am from “F’d Up to Fabulous!” – male client of Joseph’s.

If acceptance of your “Whole Self” is a goal of yours in relationship… Join Cynthia Benge and I for:

Hold Me Tight Seattle  :  A Weekend Couples Workshop 

Oct. 18th-20th at the Hotel Westin in Downtown Seattle

EARLY BIRD REGISTRATION ENDS SEPT 18TH! SPACE IS LIMITED; 12 COUPLES MAX! REGISTER NOW!

“Not pointing fingers!”

My clients always say it better than I can explain…here is what a recent offered after our sessions came to a close….

“Working with Joseph gave me a framework for identifying the emotions, and root causes, that underlie so much of my behavior. He taught me the simple, yet difficult, practice of expressing my emotions in the moment – to myself and to whomever I was in relationship with at the time. The practice of acknowledging my emotions in real-time, and not pointing the finger at others, has had a profound impact on how I see and relate to the world.” 

There it is….simple to understand….profound in it’s impact…personally and in relationship. Pulling it off “in-real-time” takes time and effort. The good news….absolutely do-able for the broad majority of individuals.

 

 

 

 

 

“I leaned into my fear and the fever broke!”

After 10 months of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, the female partner of a couple who came into therapy reeling from an infidelity and an reactive domestic violence who was able to lean into a very old fear and stay engaged with her partner. When questioned, judged or simply not listened to she would emotionally shut down and physically pull away.  “I leaned in and the fever broke. I now know the I need to rebuild my life and I can’t always look to my partner to make that happen. I need to share of myself.” Her partner pulled close to her and without words offered the safe place she has been wanting her entire life, the safe place that made leaning into the fear possible, an action dramatically different from wanting to help her by offering the logical fix that typified his contribution to their disconnection.

If your relationship continues to labor with the “fever” of disconnection, when what you truly yearn for is safe intimacy consider attending;

Hold Me Tight Seattle; A Couples Workshop, Oct 18-20, Hotel Westin, Downtown Seattle

Space is Limited, Early Bird Discount Ends Sept 18th

 

 

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