“When you slow down one can truly begin to recognize that others or things are not the true source of our distress. Our reaction to others, particularly intimate others, or things is the source of our distress. But, and this is a significant but, others, again particularly others who are in close relationship with us, can be a tremendous aid in helping us to heal the distress we feel by staying “with” us, non reactive and empathic toward us when we are in our “upset.” When you think about it this is what “good” mothers and “good” fathers are able to do with their children.” Many behaviroal therapies miss this very important relational aspect of healing and label only the “upset” person as the person who needs to change.


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